Conflict management is an important factor in human life and we ought to understand how to handle conflicts. There are three major conflict-handling styles, Aggressive, avoidant and collaborative. These styles involve using specific tactics based on the situation at hand and the thoughts and negotiations of a person. My conflict management style is a mix of aggressive and avoidant. I avoid conflicts by ignoring them because I fear getting into the nerves of someone. I avoid conflict at all costs whether it is with my family, friends or acquaintances. Most of the time I am unable to differentiate the cause of my feelings after a conflict. I struggle with identifying or differentiating the root cause from my anxiety or the conflict situation. I go for days without addressing those feelings which with time pile up and become bigger issues. My silence makes the situation worse. What began as a minor issue gets uglier. If the other person approaches me with the aim of us tackling the conflict, I get defensive and start yelling and calling them names such as crazy. Hocker states that in aggressive systems, the parties are involved in yelling and other aggressive modes such as name calling (Hocker & Wilmot, 2021).
I was raised in a rough environment. My father was struggling with mental illnesses and addiction. He was diagnosed bipolar and my relationship with him was almost non-existent and strained. I remember one time I talked to him about his addiction and how it was affecting our relationship. He yelled at me and called me ungrateful and disrespectful in front of our relatives. I tried my best not to let anger get a better part of me. He continued with the yelling and name-calling and I could not take it anymore. I started yelling back and the fight almost got physical with him throwing things at me. I left the house wondering if there is something I would have done to avoid the horrifying scenario. In my opinion, the best way I would have dealt with that conflict is by leaving and not engaging in the yelling and name calling. Some situations don’t call for a reaction because they get worse. I would have waited until we were in a calmer situation to address it. We handled the conflict and my father has since recovered from addiction.
My avoidance system was caused by the environment I grew up in. I learnt how to not get involved in other people’s business and mind my own. As an avoidant, the cool-down period is usually very helpful as it gives me a chance to look at the conflict from a different perspective and see my faults. Knowing my avoidant systems, I try not to ignore conflict as this can lead to worse and bigger conflicts in the future. Our personal history and experiences within our families’ influence how we react during a conflict (“Conflict styles and strategic conflict interaction,” 2015, p. 2). Humans tend to protect themselves from threats to ensure their freedom and survival. My aggressive system is portrayed during the conflict by yelling and name calling. This aggression causes pain to others. I avoid getting to that point where I become abusive by respectively walking away from the situation until we have both calmed down. How we handle conflicts affect our relationships with others and to maintain healthy relationships we must ensure healthy conflict-handling styles.
References
Conflict styles and strategic conflict interaction. (2015). Working Through Conflict, 124-154. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315662237-12
Hocker, J. L., & Wilmot, W. W. (2021). ISE interpersonal conflict.
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